I've been in a fairyly good mood lately. I feel like things are starting to fall into place. I'm slowly but surely getting into the groove of my "new life" and things are starting to make sense.
I've started staying at school from 8:30am to 8pm in hopes of avoiding lugging books to and from school every day. Hopefully it will help me. Next week i'm also starting the official work out... we'll see how that goes.
Let's see... oooo yeah I'm gonna have a baby...
Not like tomorrow or anything but hopefully in the summer of 2005.
If you know anything about me it's that i don't really like kids... well that's the story i tell. I love children, I just don't know how to deal with them. I don't do well with people who can't communicated (no matter how old they are). When people throw tantrums I separate myself. I don't do well when people just lash/ act out for no reason. I also lack patience and that scares me too. But I want a family and i don't want to wait until i graduate so, this is the next step....
Can you imagine me as a mom??????
*the above question is rhetorical... haters, please do not respond*
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Living My Life Like it's Golden
This weekend was truly what i needed to uplift my spirits. Needless to say the first week of school had me feeling a bit defeated but all of that melted away Saturday night.
I had my first ever surprise party courtesy of Leena and assisted by Brooks and Nate. The usual suspects were there and i had a blast. Sha, Frank, Seth, Mickey, Finesse, Dae, Cheryl, and I pretty much ruined the Dave and Busters experience for several families... by the end of the night Jose (our waiter) was comin to the table askin if we wanted any more "shots and shots and shots and shots." The manager even asked if he could hire us for our beautiful rendention of "Happy Birthday."
I think it's safe to say that a good time was had by all and even now, more than 12 hours later, I am unable to put my appreciation into words. Knowing that i have so many people behind me and beside me makes me want to work that much harder to make all of them proud and to silence the haters.
I love you all!!!
I had my first ever surprise party courtesy of Leena and assisted by Brooks and Nate. The usual suspects were there and i had a blast. Sha, Frank, Seth, Mickey, Finesse, Dae, Cheryl, and I pretty much ruined the Dave and Busters experience for several families... by the end of the night Jose (our waiter) was comin to the table askin if we wanted any more "shots and shots and shots and shots." The manager even asked if he could hire us for our beautiful rendention of "Happy Birthday."
I think it's safe to say that a good time was had by all and even now, more than 12 hours later, I am unable to put my appreciation into words. Knowing that i have so many people behind me and beside me makes me want to work that much harder to make all of them proud and to silence the haters.
I love you all!!!
Friday, August 27, 2004
Exhaustion
I don't know if i have ever been this tired. My body has basically said "no more" and i guess i need to listen for awhile.
I watched a special about obesity on MTV and it really got me thinking. The folks on the show were "morbidly" obese and i'm not at that point, but by medical standards i am definitely under the large umbrella of obesity (he he he... i said large). Anyway, it's one of those things that bothers me from time to time, but that i usually don't pay much attention to. But this past week i've been taking the bus to and from school and walking around with my laptop and books and i'm starting to realize just how much extra stress the weight puts on my body. I know the masses will probably say, "just stop eating so much and exercise." Which, in theory is very true... but i actually don't eat that much or that bad. I'm not the type that eats tons of sweets or even an excessive amount of salty snacks, I do OD on carbs like there's no tomorrow though.
The need to take a long hard look at my diet is obvious. The thing that pisses me off the most is that many doctors that i have been to are quick to tell me about the problems of obesity, but none seem to offer suggestions. I will be making an effort though, because my body is telling me that i need to, and i strongly believe in listening to what my body tells me to do.
I watched a special about obesity on MTV and it really got me thinking. The folks on the show were "morbidly" obese and i'm not at that point, but by medical standards i am definitely under the large umbrella of obesity (he he he... i said large). Anyway, it's one of those things that bothers me from time to time, but that i usually don't pay much attention to. But this past week i've been taking the bus to and from school and walking around with my laptop and books and i'm starting to realize just how much extra stress the weight puts on my body. I know the masses will probably say, "just stop eating so much and exercise." Which, in theory is very true... but i actually don't eat that much or that bad. I'm not the type that eats tons of sweets or even an excessive amount of salty snacks, I do OD on carbs like there's no tomorrow though.
The need to take a long hard look at my diet is obvious. The thing that pisses me off the most is that many doctors that i have been to are quick to tell me about the problems of obesity, but none seem to offer suggestions. I will be making an effort though, because my body is telling me that i need to, and i strongly believe in listening to what my body tells me to do.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
The Family Series
I am starting to realize that there's a segment of my life that I tend not to discuss too often so I'm gonna force myself to do it :-D
The truth is I don't spend a lot of time talking about my family. Mostly because I've never been a "family woman". As i've started to move towards planning this wedding (yes, i know it's a year and a half away), I'm starting to realize just how important family is to me.
I realize that the family environment that you come from greatly influences who you will be in your family. It determines how you treat your chosen mate, and what role you will play in your family. I realize that brooks' family situation will ultimately determine the type of father he will be. I watch how he interacts with his brother and i am in awe. The compassion, love, and leadership he shows makes me realize just what a wonderful father he will be. I can honestly say that i have never met someone who is able to be so in control and strong.
In many ways, he's very different from my dad. I was always told that women tend to gravitate towards men that are like their fathers. My dad is the silent type. Not much of a talker and in all honesty, not the main decision maker in my family. I like to think that he just prefers to pick his battles. My dad is stubborn as all hell (that's where i get it from) and his temper is RIDICULOUS (i get that from him too). He genuinely has the heart of a saint and has always been there his children and grandchildren. For every dance recital my ungraceful ass had, he was there. For every softball/basketball game i screwed up for my team, he was there. I can honestly say that there is only one time in my life that my father was not there for me. He was in the hospital having surgery to remove a brain tumor. Needless to say i don't hold that against him.
Although i often claim the title, i really was never "daddy's little girl". We're too much alike for that. Our relationship used to be extremely volatile and still is to a degree. But i love him just the same. I learned alot about what a man is supposed to be from him. He has always been there for my siblings and i and was always respectful and loving towards my mother. Although they have their arguments the love they share is so real and so pure. They have been together for like 48 years and i am amazed to watch how much they still adore one another.
I look at how not having a father present has affected many people i know. Some for better and some for worse, but i definitely see the effects. My father is a truly amazing man and i am blessed to have him.
The truth is I don't spend a lot of time talking about my family. Mostly because I've never been a "family woman". As i've started to move towards planning this wedding (yes, i know it's a year and a half away), I'm starting to realize just how important family is to me.
I realize that the family environment that you come from greatly influences who you will be in your family. It determines how you treat your chosen mate, and what role you will play in your family. I realize that brooks' family situation will ultimately determine the type of father he will be. I watch how he interacts with his brother and i am in awe. The compassion, love, and leadership he shows makes me realize just what a wonderful father he will be. I can honestly say that i have never met someone who is able to be so in control and strong.
In many ways, he's very different from my dad. I was always told that women tend to gravitate towards men that are like their fathers. My dad is the silent type. Not much of a talker and in all honesty, not the main decision maker in my family. I like to think that he just prefers to pick his battles. My dad is stubborn as all hell (that's where i get it from) and his temper is RIDICULOUS (i get that from him too). He genuinely has the heart of a saint and has always been there his children and grandchildren. For every dance recital my ungraceful ass had, he was there. For every softball/basketball game i screwed up for my team, he was there. I can honestly say that there is only one time in my life that my father was not there for me. He was in the hospital having surgery to remove a brain tumor. Needless to say i don't hold that against him.
Although i often claim the title, i really was never "daddy's little girl". We're too much alike for that. Our relationship used to be extremely volatile and still is to a degree. But i love him just the same. I learned alot about what a man is supposed to be from him. He has always been there for my siblings and i and was always respectful and loving towards my mother. Although they have their arguments the love they share is so real and so pure. They have been together for like 48 years and i am amazed to watch how much they still adore one another.
I look at how not having a father present has affected many people i know. Some for better and some for worse, but i definitely see the effects. My father is a truly amazing man and i am blessed to have him.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
You
3 years (give or take some time apart)
It took me all this time to really see what it was i wanted and needed. Thank you for the support, the love, the compassion, the strength, the wise words, and the understanding.
None of *this* would have been possible without you and i appreciate every ounce of it.
I have never felt so at peace. What i was searching for i have found. Believe me when i say 3/11/06 will be here before you know it
It took me all this time to really see what it was i wanted and needed. Thank you for the support, the love, the compassion, the strength, the wise words, and the understanding.
None of *this* would have been possible without you and i appreciate every ounce of it.
I have never felt so at peace. What i was searching for i have found. Believe me when i say 3/11/06 will be here before you know it
Friday, August 13, 2004
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't really have too much to say, but i've felt compelled to make an entry. My apartment is just starting to feel like home. Among my loserish qualities that include: only eating cereal out of a deep bowl and the need to use utensils with handles that are not metal, is the part of me that takes forever to feel comfortable unpon moving into a new apartment. Even if i clean up as soon as i get tbere is takes me a minute to really feel like it's home.
i really enjoy my new neighborhood. I can see that i won't be doing much driving too and that is a huge plus! Being right across the street from the metro is an amazing thing
On the down side, my drinking has once again skyrocketed. i'd like to think that once school starts i'll "focus" but i don't really know if that'll happen. It's to the point where i was in the drugstore, sick from a cold and angry with the medicine selection because you couldn't take it if you consumed alcohol. I often wonder if i am "self medicating" again to overcompensate for my ADD. As a result i've put myself back on the Ritalin. Hopefully i'll be able to get an appointment with a doctor as soon as school starts so that i can renew my perscription. I guess when i lived with brooks i felt it was ok to drink because he was drinking with me. now that he's quit, i'm becoming very aware of just how much i drink and how much i think about drinking.
Off to make pina coladas
i really enjoy my new neighborhood. I can see that i won't be doing much driving too and that is a huge plus! Being right across the street from the metro is an amazing thing
On the down side, my drinking has once again skyrocketed. i'd like to think that once school starts i'll "focus" but i don't really know if that'll happen. It's to the point where i was in the drugstore, sick from a cold and angry with the medicine selection because you couldn't take it if you consumed alcohol. I often wonder if i am "self medicating" again to overcompensate for my ADD. As a result i've put myself back on the Ritalin. Hopefully i'll be able to get an appointment with a doctor as soon as school starts so that i can renew my perscription. I guess when i lived with brooks i felt it was ok to drink because he was drinking with me. now that he's quit, i'm becoming very aware of just how much i drink and how much i think about drinking.
Off to make pina coladas
Monday, August 09, 2004
Growth
How do you grow if you continue to pursue negativity? The constant need for one upsmanship is tired and old. You are not growing because you choose to remain in the same place.
Relax, Relate, Release.
Relax, Relate, Release.
Friday, August 06, 2004
Reminisce
I went up to my school today to take care of some last minute stuff. I had a quick flashback to Hampton. It was registration and there were tons of freshmen on campus. It was so fun to see the excitement on their faces. It was so typical... some were trying to ditch their parents, some were clinging for dear life.
I remember going off to college like it was yesterday, it's hard to believe that was 11 years ago. For all the lines and bs that i put up with at Hampton college was an amazing experience. I hope those freshmen have the fun times i had, without all the drama.
I remember going off to college like it was yesterday, it's hard to believe that was 11 years ago. For all the lines and bs that i put up with at Hampton college was an amazing experience. I hope those freshmen have the fun times i had, without all the drama.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
I Got Some Shit to Say
There are a lot of things that i can't tolerate, hell i talk about that shit here on a daily basis. But there is one thing that i have always hated and that has always rubbed me the wrong way.
I cannot stand a fairweather friend. Friends are there with you thru thick and thin. They have your back through any situation. They don't disappear when times get rough and miraculously reappear when the storm clouds disappear. People that care about you don't talk shit about you behind your back and are at least man enough to contact you on a regular basis, not just when things start getting better, and they damn sure don't go to a third part source for info on you.
To avoid any confusion... yes i am addressing a situation between my former roommates. Yes I know that the reason for the fair weatherness will be blamed on me (i.e. If Mo wasn't such a bitch we coulda been friends all along) but truth be told... i don't give a damn.
For almost a year, I was made to feel like i was the bad person because i chose to make a decision. As a result i endured rude comments, disrespect and overall discomfort. Did i make y'all feel uncomfortable in the process? Of course, and for that i apologize. But i didn't deserve 80% of the shit i went through, and 2 of us know it. But i shouldered the responsibility for it and continued to do my best to keep shit going. You on the other hand chose to treat us like minor annoyances in your day. Sure, if i wasn't around you'd speak to him, but because my presence made you so ill, you had to treat him like shit too for the sake of getting back to me.
Today he's "your guy" but two weeks ago you would walk past him without speaking? That shit is hella lame if you ask me.
GZ, congrats man. I know you aren't "there" yet, but you're definitely on the way. You and I have been thru it in the short amount of time i've known you and i wouldn't change a thing
DK, congrats for you too. You have found someone who you truly love and who you can build with on a spiritual level. That shit is real and i wish you all the best on it.
I got 3 more days and then i'm all about school.... The loose ends are tying up nicely
Peace
I cannot stand a fairweather friend. Friends are there with you thru thick and thin. They have your back through any situation. They don't disappear when times get rough and miraculously reappear when the storm clouds disappear. People that care about you don't talk shit about you behind your back and are at least man enough to contact you on a regular basis, not just when things start getting better, and they damn sure don't go to a third part source for info on you.
To avoid any confusion... yes i am addressing a situation between my former roommates. Yes I know that the reason for the fair weatherness will be blamed on me (i.e. If Mo wasn't such a bitch we coulda been friends all along) but truth be told... i don't give a damn.
For almost a year, I was made to feel like i was the bad person because i chose to make a decision. As a result i endured rude comments, disrespect and overall discomfort. Did i make y'all feel uncomfortable in the process? Of course, and for that i apologize. But i didn't deserve 80% of the shit i went through, and 2 of us know it. But i shouldered the responsibility for it and continued to do my best to keep shit going. You on the other hand chose to treat us like minor annoyances in your day. Sure, if i wasn't around you'd speak to him, but because my presence made you so ill, you had to treat him like shit too for the sake of getting back to me.
Today he's "your guy" but two weeks ago you would walk past him without speaking? That shit is hella lame if you ask me.
GZ, congrats man. I know you aren't "there" yet, but you're definitely on the way. You and I have been thru it in the short amount of time i've known you and i wouldn't change a thing
DK, congrats for you too. You have found someone who you truly love and who you can build with on a spiritual level. That shit is real and i wish you all the best on it.
I got 3 more days and then i'm all about school.... The loose ends are tying up nicely
Peace
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Why is it that...
Everytime i'm like all happy and what not my momma has to bring me down to earth?
So i'm unemployed right blah blah blah. Anyway i'm just getting the last set of bills for the old apt and i basically put myself in a position where for the sake of everyone's sanity i said i'd take care of the bills... but i'm unemployed lol. Long story short i tried to bum some loot from my mom and she quickly told me what she thought about me, my situation and a buncha other stuff.
On the one hand it was kinda funna cuz she's cute when she gets to cussing people out and threatening to call people, but at the same time it hurt because she was absolutely right. I'm too nice and concerned with other people's happiness for my own good, especially those that don't give a damn in return.
In so many words she said "too damn bad" and now i am off to find my way out of my own mess. Check ebay soon for some of my prized possessions!!!
So i'm unemployed right blah blah blah. Anyway i'm just getting the last set of bills for the old apt and i basically put myself in a position where for the sake of everyone's sanity i said i'd take care of the bills... but i'm unemployed lol. Long story short i tried to bum some loot from my mom and she quickly told me what she thought about me, my situation and a buncha other stuff.
On the one hand it was kinda funna cuz she's cute when she gets to cussing people out and threatening to call people, but at the same time it hurt because she was absolutely right. I'm too nice and concerned with other people's happiness for my own good, especially those that don't give a damn in return.
In so many words she said "too damn bad" and now i am off to find my way out of my own mess. Check ebay soon for some of my prized possessions!!!
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Today I Can Smile
Not for my own happiness, but for the happiness of someone else. Words cannot express the joy that i feel right now, but i am glowing on the inside.
Things around me are so hectic but these new developments have brought me peace. Y'all can clown my fung shui but that shit is working!!!! (bitches)
As for last weekend... it was a perfect precursor to what will be a wonderful week! I'm really starting to realize how much my "internet friends" mean to me. hell i've even stopped callin them "internet friends"! These folks look out for me for real and that means a lot. I've got a good support system of family and friends and i'm thankful.
but enough mushiness! friday night was hot... literally. Sha's soy implants sprung a leak... but she did have enough strength to inform us about famine in Africa. I also learned about Soul Outlets... it was truly amazing to say the least.
Things around me are so hectic but these new developments have brought me peace. Y'all can clown my fung shui but that shit is working!!!! (bitches)
As for last weekend... it was a perfect precursor to what will be a wonderful week! I'm really starting to realize how much my "internet friends" mean to me. hell i've even stopped callin them "internet friends"! These folks look out for me for real and that means a lot. I've got a good support system of family and friends and i'm thankful.
but enough mushiness! friday night was hot... literally. Sha's soy implants sprung a leak... but she did have enough strength to inform us about famine in Africa. I also learned about Soul Outlets... it was truly amazing to say the least.