You know sometimes i am convinced that i must be the most unusal person in the world. I had the troubling experience of attending a funeral for someone I have only met once. Although i didn't know this person that well, i was pretty emotional at the funeral. It was my boyfriend's grandmother... perhaps my sadness was for those who were mourning. I don't think that I know enough about her to miss "her" as a person, but i saw the effect that she had on these people and I hurt for them. I have never been able to watch people suffer and be sad and upset. I think that I internalize their pain and as a result i ache.

I also think that I need to do more research before i attempt to speak to spirits and to communicate with people. Some people surely do not want to be called upon just because you wish to speak to them. I had a somewhat troubling experience with this last night and I am not sure what to make of it. Perhaps my reasons were self-serving and this was a polite reminder to leave some things alone.

OK...

After much procrastination and so-called deep thought... I am back (although I'm not sure anyone reads this anymore).
I guess I needed some time to think about what I was doing and where I was headed. Olga suggested that I should just think about what I would be doing with my life if there was nothing that I had to do. So I took away work and I took away school and I realized one thing very quickly... In the grand scheme of doing things that I want to do, school is a very big part of that. I apparently will always be a student, I just need to find a much less expensive way to do so. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why it has to be school and not "learning". I think that the reason is that I need to have the himan interaction... I guess that just means that I need to find a discussion group and read a book.

So anyway, we have gotten rid of everything but school. So what's left? ABSOLUTELY nothing... I don't know what I want to do... I don't know what i would do if i didn't have to do the things that i do. So where does this leave me? Confused.

I have come to the decision that I am going to start a school. Just like that right? No, it won't be easy... it'll probably take some serious time, but i think the rewards will be worth it. I've decided to get my masters in accounting and financial management while getting my second bachelors in psychology and education. I've been recruiting people left and right, picking their brains, seeing what ideas they have... not really getting anywhere yet, but we'll get there!!!!!

What do I want to do with my life?

i'm not really sure why that question seems to be haunting me these days. The truth of the matter is that i have no idea what I want to do with my life. Different thoughts and ideas come and go, but nothing seems to stick...