I guess it's time to get more focused. I am at that point in the cycle of my life where I need to find some sense of direction and purpose. My friend Olga has found her way to Europe... Just up and left. And i am THRILLED for her! But at the same time I am somewhat disappointed in myself. I have always seen myself as someone who lived for the moment, who did things on a whim... but these days i don't feel so cool. I guess i am going through a quarter-life crisis... and damn is it frustrating. I was talking to my best friend and he was basically going through the same thing... although it's comforting to have someone to talk to and share this with, it doesn't make it any easier.
When I look back on my life i have soooo many regrets. I should have done this, i should have not done that. It's all so frustrating. I see so many people around me running from their mistakes, looking for solace in other things - school, money, relationships, drugs, alcohol. I don't want to be like that. I want to look back on my life and have no regrets and know that I did it on my own, without having "needed" anything!
*sigh*
When does this cycle end? I'm tired of bitching.
Tuesday, July 16, 2002
From bad to badder
Yes, i am perfectly aware of the incorrect grammar in the above statement. Now ask me if i care. For those of you who do not know it, I am in a bad mood today. Why you ask... or maybe you didn't but anyway...
I found out that i am taking a 5% pay cut and i spent the day arguing with the love of my life.
Yes, i am perfectly aware of the incorrect grammar in the above statement. Now ask me if i care. For those of you who do not know it, I am in a bad mood today. Why you ask... or maybe you didn't but anyway...
I found out that i am taking a 5% pay cut and i spent the day arguing with the love of my life.
Tuesday, July 09, 2002
Slow down?
As I made my way onto the metro this morning to make my normal morning commute, i was sufficiently jostled by a guy that had to get on before me. I figured that this guy must have really wanted a seat but he pushed past me, only to stand in the doorway and leave even less room for all the people that he had just pushed past, to get onto the train. That incident, hardly the first of it's kind, made me realize how much people rush. No one wants to be the last one off the train, no one wants to be the last one across the street. Everything is a rush. Do we wonder why we're so stressed... We bring it on ourselves. When was the last time these people stopped rushing and enjoyed the world? And where in the hell are they rushing to? The same people i see rushing around in the morning on the way to work, are rushing away from work at night. And why do the same people rush everyday? Why not just leave the house five minutes earlier? And why am I punished because you're late. I'm sorry, Mr. Rushy, but your rushiness does not give you the right to push or shove me out of your way. I am not in a rush, i got up on time, and even if i didn't i'm not going to rush. These people look at me and I am sure they think that i am lazy... Interesting concept for the "Rushies" When will American's realize that the finish line is not the ultimate goal... All you're rushing to is the end... and once you reach the end it's over and you've missed everything. These are the people that take their laptops on "vacation" and do work from the beach... WHAT KIND OF MADNESS IS THAT? Being on the beach is not what makes it a vacation. I think that we all need to take a collective deep breath. Open our eyes and look around. We have been given so many gifts that it seems so foolish to walk past them.
I don't like people who rush... i needed to get that out there. Thank you!
Monday, July 08, 2002
Wednesday, July 03, 2002
Who would have thought that it would take so long to complete this!!!!
37. I love to cook
38. I am a compulsive learner
39. I don't like shopping
40. Except grocery shopping
41. I only like to cook for other people
42. Usually, if i am by myself I won't eat
43. I am a very nuturing person
44. I get the nurturing from my mom and my cooking from my dad
45. I am very proud of what my neices and nephews have accomplished
46. I have a nephew that lives in Saudi Arabia that I miss dearly
47. I wish I could sing
48. I don't see the purpose in capitalizing the letter "I"
49. Money is not important to me
50. Happiness means everything to me
51. I wish I was smarter
52. I am extremely self-concious about my weight
53. I make jokes about it to make it easier to deal with
54. I like to be outside
55. My favorite seasons are spring, fall and winter (in that order)
56. I hate the summer
57. I love sunflowers and roses
58. I think that in general people take themselves too seriously
59. I also think that people take life too seriously
60. I think that "God" has a great sense of humor and a lot of the things he "does" to us is to remind us not to take life too seriously
61. I like to hear live music
62. I wish my boyfriend was more affectionate
63. I am afraid to get married and have kids
64. I don't like it when strangers invade my "personal space"
65. Strangers feel compelled to talk to me and my mother all the time
66. Homeless people in the park near my job, smile at me when I walk by
67. One homeless woman told me that only I could help her find her way
68. I had a dream about her that night and told her the next day and haven't seen her since
69. I tend to be reunited with people in my dreams about a week before it happens in "real life"
70. I don't believe that love can conquer all
71. I am the most pessimistic optimist in the world
72. I love the water
73. I don't understand how airplanes stay in the air
74. I love my family
75. I think that everyone should be listened to
76. I don't think that enough people listen to me
77. I wish I had the courage to say what was on my mind a lot of times
78. I also wish I had the intelligence to bite my tongue sometimes
79. I want to go to law school in 2005
80. I don't want to be a lawyer
81. I don't like to study
82. I'm not a particularly good student
83. I'm glad I went to an all-girl's high school
84. I want to relocate but I don't know where
85. I have bad credit
86. I'm too silly most of the time
87. I don't walk well in heels
88. I am a conspiracy theorist
89. I love the Power Puff Girls
90. I am thinking about trying out for the NWFL (National Women's Football League)
91. Sexism sucks!
92. I wish I was more of an activist
93. I spend too much time trying to get the people I know involved in causes
94. I think that most of the people I know are not involved enough in causes
95. It bothers me when people don't watch the news because "it's always bad"
96. I don't like people that try to avoid reality
97. I hate when people don't vote because "one vote doesn't make a difference" (tell that to Al Gore)
98. I think that the Pres had a LOT to do with Sept 11 and that's why he had to make sure he was in office
99. I'm tired of the media not reporting the news.
100. I think that everyone should read "Stupid White Men"
37. I love to cook
38. I am a compulsive learner
39. I don't like shopping
40. Except grocery shopping
41. I only like to cook for other people
42. Usually, if i am by myself I won't eat
43. I am a very nuturing person
44. I get the nurturing from my mom and my cooking from my dad
45. I am very proud of what my neices and nephews have accomplished
46. I have a nephew that lives in Saudi Arabia that I miss dearly
47. I wish I could sing
48. I don't see the purpose in capitalizing the letter "I"
49. Money is not important to me
50. Happiness means everything to me
51. I wish I was smarter
52. I am extremely self-concious about my weight
53. I make jokes about it to make it easier to deal with
54. I like to be outside
55. My favorite seasons are spring, fall and winter (in that order)
56. I hate the summer
57. I love sunflowers and roses
58. I think that in general people take themselves too seriously
59. I also think that people take life too seriously
60. I think that "God" has a great sense of humor and a lot of the things he "does" to us is to remind us not to take life too seriously
61. I like to hear live music
62. I wish my boyfriend was more affectionate
63. I am afraid to get married and have kids
64. I don't like it when strangers invade my "personal space"
65. Strangers feel compelled to talk to me and my mother all the time
66. Homeless people in the park near my job, smile at me when I walk by
67. One homeless woman told me that only I could help her find her way
68. I had a dream about her that night and told her the next day and haven't seen her since
69. I tend to be reunited with people in my dreams about a week before it happens in "real life"
70. I don't believe that love can conquer all
71. I am the most pessimistic optimist in the world
72. I love the water
73. I don't understand how airplanes stay in the air
74. I love my family
75. I think that everyone should be listened to
76. I don't think that enough people listen to me
77. I wish I had the courage to say what was on my mind a lot of times
78. I also wish I had the intelligence to bite my tongue sometimes
79. I want to go to law school in 2005
80. I don't want to be a lawyer
81. I don't like to study
82. I'm not a particularly good student
83. I'm glad I went to an all-girl's high school
84. I want to relocate but I don't know where
85. I have bad credit
86. I'm too silly most of the time
87. I don't walk well in heels
88. I am a conspiracy theorist
89. I love the Power Puff Girls
90. I am thinking about trying out for the NWFL (National Women's Football League)
91. Sexism sucks!
92. I wish I was more of an activist
93. I spend too much time trying to get the people I know involved in causes
94. I think that most of the people I know are not involved enough in causes
95. It bothers me when people don't watch the news because "it's always bad"
96. I don't like people that try to avoid reality
97. I hate when people don't vote because "one vote doesn't make a difference" (tell that to Al Gore)
98. I think that the Pres had a LOT to do with Sept 11 and that's why he had to make sure he was in office
99. I'm tired of the media not reporting the news.
100. I think that everyone should read "Stupid White Men"
Monday, July 01, 2002
100 things about me
Ok, I've seen it on other people's sites but I never thought I'd do it myself. But with July 1st comes a new sort of introspective type thing so here goes nothing:
1. I like to laugh
2. I'm emotional
3. I like to paint
4. I like to write poems
5. I wish I had more patience
6. My biggest fear is death
7. I know that I am my biggest critic
8. I hate phony people
9. I hate negativity
10. I hate to see people that are not smiling
11. I used to be a compulsive liar
12. I believe in past lives
13. I am STRONG believer in Karma
14. I like to make people laugh
15. I was never popular
16. I like to be alone fairly often
17. I am arrogant about my intelligence
18. I have very limited patience for people that I considered to be less intelligent than me
19. I hate that about myself
20. I wish that I was easier to get along with
21. I often wonder why I am difficult to get along with
22. My eyes are my favorite feature
23. Followed closely by my dimples
24. The most painful thing for me to admit is that I have disappointed my parents far too many times
25. I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years
26. With a crack addict
27. I wish I had more people in my life that I could relate to
28. I find it difficult to make friends
29. But once I do I hold on to them for as long as I can
30. I love being hugged
31. I crave affection in the same way that some people crave drugs
32. I'm not really that into sex
33. I like the taste of beer
34. My mother went 3 years without telling me she loved me
35. My father is suffering from a severe case of dimentia that came about suddenly
36. Sometimes he doesn't recognize me