Update

There's been a slight (but HUGE) change in my plans... i'm not gonna get into here until after the fact but if you're cool with me (y'all know who you are) please please please make sure i have your phone number in the next couple weeks. I need to get in touch with you.

That being said... I am extremely excited.

I had a conversation yesterday with my mother about me getting married. I never realized how similar she and i were. she basically told me that i could get married whenever and wherever and she'd be fine with it. She said that she didn't even mind if she wasn't there. Then she went into how so many people get caught up with the location, the dress, the guestlist etc that they lose sight of what's really important. as she put it, "none of those things guarantee a good marriage and the absence of them doesn't condemn the marriage either"

and that brings me to today's family update

Momma
My mom is the strongest woman i know. There is no one on this earth that can compare to her. As the youngest of several sisters and brothers she took care of most of them before she was out of the 8th grade. My maternal grandmother died when my mom was young. Her father was extremely colorstruck and his "affectionate" nickname for my mother was "Blackie". By the time my mother was in the 6th grade, her father had become involved with another woman and basically put all the children out. So they moved from house to house with my mother usually assuming the role of protector and "mother".

After she married my father, my mother worked to maintain those titles. She stopped working for awhile to take care of my siblings and made sure that they had everything they needed. Of course i'm not talking about anything monetary because there's no real "wealth" anywhere in my family. But she was always there to help with homework, meet with teachers and be an all around responsible parent. My mother was always the "strong" one in her family and affection was not something that she specialized in. In fact it has only been recently that she has started to tell me that she loves me and to hug me. I think that this is the reason that it is hard for me to develop relationships with females. Affection from females makes me uncomfortable and nervous because it's not something i'm used to.

Although she is not affectionate, my mother has an infinite amount of compassion. And i get that trait from her. She puts any and everyone before herself. In some respects its a good thing, but oftentimes it leaves her tired and worn out. I wish that i was in a position to do more for her... to let her know that it is her time to fall back and let someone do something for her, but i'm still strugglin myself. I hope that sometime in the near future i am able to give back to her at least a fraction of what she has given to so many others.