Sometimes i wish i still had the courage to grab a razor and slide it across my skin like i used to... to inflict the sharp pain... cutting my own flesh to prove to myself that no one could really hurt me and convincing my sick mind that i really was in control of myself and my situation...

The drug induced highs that mellowed everything out and made me think that i was seeing clearly call me day in and day out. Sometimes i wish i had the courage to just go back to it and say fuck the world. But the truth is i'm a coward. I'm too scared to do any of those things... and I hate myself for it.