On the Subject of Friends


Sometimes i wish that people would take a step back and realize the power of their words. That sticks and stones chant you say in grade school don't do shit in the real world. Words can, will, and do hurt, especially when they come from those that we care about. In high school and college I often felt very left out and alone because i felt that people didn't like me.

The truth of the matter is that I have always wanted people to like me. From the time i was little i wanted to make people laugh, smile, clap or do something to show me that they approved. Unfortunately, my family wasn't structured like that. There were few pats on the back... the "good jobs" were few and far between.. and the hugs and affection were almost nonexistent. As I grew up, i stopped looking to my family for these things. In grade school i was hardly ever home, weekends were spent at friends' houses... basking in the attention lavished upon me by their parents. By highschool the attention came from males who obviously had alterior motives.

Like most females, i didn't get along with other females. Most of the close female friends that i had betrayed me in one way or another over the years and that made that process even more difficult. And so I turned into a monster. I needed to be the center of attention. It was to the point that i even uttered phrases like "Look at me"... definitely a low point.

So here's the part where i talk about how i overcame this and how i feel so wonderful these days. Well the truth is, i'm not there yet. i am slowly but surely starting to head to the other end of the line. I've decided that rather than wanting attention and not getting it, it might be best to just stop wanting it. That way, when I don't get it, it won't hurt. But i know that that mindset is just as dangerous and I don't want to be at "that place" either...