In the midst of one of my many rantings and ravings last night I realized what it is that I am truly searching for in life (well one of the things because I am almost positive that this will change in the next 24 hours)...

Anywho, I think that I just want to be heard. I mean I have a voice that has been muted for so long and for so many different reasons that now, I want to be heard. It all starts very young, "Children should be seen and not heard" so there I sat and waited to be grown (side note - why is it that parents tell you about all the great things that you can do when you're grown (cross the street by yourself, stay up late, eat what you want, etc) but then tell you not to rush to grow up?). When I reached adolescence, I thought I knew it all and apparently I didn't so I was told to keep my mouth shut. In school boys are encouraged to "volunteer" answers at the top of their lungs whenever they saw fit, while the girls were always told to raise their hands, although they were rarely called on...

Lately I have begun to realize the strength of my mind. The thoughts that pass through me are valid and important and should be acknowledged. I can't really say that I am full of enlightening conversation but I will say that I am capable of a lot more than people present me with. I often find myself bored with "conventional" topics and find myself searching (usually in vain) for some sort of intellectual stimulation. I have a sneaking sensation that my brain is turning to mush and I'd really prefer it if that didn't happen.