Funerals

I'm supposed to be at a funeral today, but i won't be able to make it. My life is too emotionally exhausting right now to say the least and I don't think I could take it. I can honestly say that I am probably on my way to a breakdown. But for some reason, that doesn't bother me... i'm envisioning lots of bed rest and maybe even some allergy medicine... and that brings me to today's topic: mental health

I am really starting to believe all the stereotypical comments about how black folks view mental illness. For whatever reason, it seems like black folks don't think you can be truly sick unless you have some sort of physical pain or drop dead. Perhaps that's why we continue to consume foods that we are told are bad for us and put lots of crap into our bodies... because i mean it hasn't killed you yet so it must be ok, right? I don't know a single black person that doesn't know someone who suffered from a stroke, heart attack, kidney failure, diabetes, heart disease and any number of other preventable diseases... but they still eat the same foods because I guess it can't happen to them.

Now switch that to mental illness. Statistics say that most people experience depression at some point in their lives. It goes deeper than just a feeling of sadness... it's more like utter helplessness. I'm sure someone out there reading this is thinking, "just suck it up and get over it." I'm just curious why people think it's that easy? what makes anyone think that people want to lay around feeling helpless, unable to sleep or stay awake, no sex drive, and the desire to cry at the most inopportune times... yeah that's loads of fun.

On top of that the medicine is a joke. I mean on the one hand, it gives you the ability to drag yourself out of bed and go out and do things that you need/have to do. But if you stop taking it, they damn near hafta put you on suicide watch. A side effect of anti-deppressent medication should not be suicidal thoughts.

Of course mental illness goes deeper than depression. When i was a psychology major, my favorite class was abnormal psychology. The first week of the class was focused on determining the meaning of the word "crazy". For every definition we through out, the teacher refuted it with a more appropriate term. The purpose of the exercise was to show that calling a person "crazy" with it's negative connotation was actually just an elitest attempt to cover up for one's own insecurities. when i look at the times I've called folks crazy, i realize that's true.

Another thing i learned in that class is that no one is exempt from some sort of "abnormal" psychological behavior. Whether it be mild or pronounced every single person is a bit maladjusted. My friend KG and I would spend countless hours analyzing our friends and ourselves and the results were quite interesting. The most interesting phenomenon revolves around the self destructive actions of most young people. Unhealthy eating, dangerous sexual activity, etc.

From childhood i have known i was different, crazy if you will. But i don't see a problem with it. The truth of the matter is that I am a highly intelligent, extremely observant individual. I pay attention to everything that goes on around me and I tend to know more about people then they know about themselves. Contrary to popular belief, i'm not arrogant about this gift. In fact, I don't even acknowledge it most times. I just sit back and let people dig their own ditches. Sometimes i purposely call people out on things just to see how their thought process works. It's really interesting stuff. My psychologist gave me the greatest insight into my "craziness". She said, "you are a perfectly well adjusted individual. You have above average intelligence and the good sense not to use it too often." I think that sums me up nicely.