Black People

**disclaimer**
this is probably going to end up being a "woe is me post" and i apologize in advance but i got some shit on my mind...

So i'm planning this reception thingy... and I mailed approx 80 invitations. Some i didn't expect to get back. Some were sent to my mom's friends who i don't know. But most were sent to ppl that i figured would want to come or would at least be happy to hear i was married. To date i have gotten about 20 rsvps. Now, i know that i asked people to rsvp by Jan 8th and it isn't the 8th yet, but i mean, if you know you're coming.. what's the hold up. I guess i am afraid that no one will come. Takes me back to my 16th bday party. My mother INSISTED that i have a sort of sweet sixteen everybody dress up and excercise exception ettiquette party. If you know me then you know that i dont dress up so the idea that i had friends that do was farfetched, but she insisted... the result? lackluster turnout...

Since then i've gotten more popular (*pats self on back*) but i am still always afraid that the unpopular girl will rear her little head and wind up embarrassed. I think that's why i shield myself from people and exhibit antisocial behavior... it's easier for me to hide. The truth is I'm not happy with myself... damn typing that brought a tear to my eye. I'm not happy with my weight, i'm not happy with my hair (although it looks damned good today), i'm not happy with my wardrobe, etc.

I don't mean any of this in a whiny way. I'm blessed because i have people that are supportive and genuinely love me for who i am, but i can't help but think that i am selling myself short. Sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i had more female friends... There are quite a few females in my life that i wish i could be closer with but making friends with chicks has never been my strong suit. It's always been awkward for me. Either i develop crushes on them (no homo?) or i constantly compare myself to them and feel inadequate.. either way i tend to end up separating myself from them and never really put the effort into the frinedship. I guess this would be a good transition into my plans for the new year.

I don't really do "resolutions" cuz i can't stick to them, but there are things i want and need to work on and no time like the present to start working on that.

The first is my overall health... mental and physical. I'm poised to do so much and accomplish so many things that I need to get my mind and body straight. I was tryna decide which was more important (mind or body) but to be honest, it's equal. One means nothing without the other so i'm tryna eat healthy and be mentally healthy. Hopefully I'll meet some ugly chicks i can hang out with so I don't get all weird around them. I need to explore that further cuz as a married woman i probably shouldn't be having crushes on chicks although i'm sure *he* wouldn't mind....

and that brings me to something else.... lesbians and dudes.
i'll admit i thought about being gay for a minute and would probably qualify as bisexual in some people's eyes but i don't understand why guys think that if a chick likes chicks, he's gonna get some 3some action? And why in the hell do rappers make references to the lesbians they like and wanna get with? if she's a lesbian she isn't checkin for you doggie... sorry

But anyway... this is my time to be truthful so hopefully i won't get too many strange looks from people that i know that read this.

peace and RSVP, bitches!

Funniest New Year text message i got: Happy Easter, bitches.
that shit had me rollin.