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I am at the point where i am forcing myself to write and that has got to be the scariest shit in the world. I don't think that i've ever had writer's block before, so I'm a little bit confused on how to handle this. Perhaps it's anxiety? Maybe it's a sign? All i know is that I don't like it and I want it to stop. I feel like i am going a million miles a minute. I sat down to write (as in pen and paper) what i was feeling and I was all over the place... unfocused, confused. My handwriting looked like I was 5. My life in general seems to be very unbalanced. I'm thinking i need to meditate, read, listen to music and just regroup. What i really need to do at this point in my life is finish something. I need to actually complete something. Something major (in other words not this blog entry).

Work is hell. It's hell because i can't finish anything. My solution? Don't do it. If i know i'm not doing it, I can't get frustrated when I don't accomplish it. Its when you try to do something and fail that it hurts, right? That's the worst attitude ever, and I know it, but it works.

I need to do some reading on adult ADD. Maybe that's my problem? I mean i'm really not used to this. The rambling, the general feeling of incompleteness. i think i'm having a breakdown and Lord knows i don't need that. i got applications to work on. I need to go start a project so that i can finish...


This is getting crazier by the second. i am going to go sit on the couch, love my cats, and relax for the rest of the evening. Tomorrow i will search out answers and try to become balanced.