Death and Life

I was sitting in my Quants class last night thinking about death (yes it is THAT bad). At any rate I figured out a way to think about death... Its like a pop quiz in a class where a teacher tells you that there will be a pop quiz. Its like you know its coming one day... you don't know when, you don't know now hard it will be... but its gonna come. We all secretly hope that the teacher forgets about it, but we know it's gonna come. The thing is it doesn't have to be something we dread. I mean we could prepare for it everyday, by doing what it takes to make sure we're prepared. Unfortunately too many people put off doing the "right" things until its too late.

Think about life like this... There is going to be a pop quiz. It's going to test everything you have learned. You will stand in front of your teacher and be asked to show whether or not you "got it". I'm not trying to be preachy here. I'm just trying to convince people that now is the time to study!!!

You know i recently started saying hello to strangers. You would be amazed at how many shocked smiles you get. It feels good...

Capricorn: You spend way too much of your energy taking care of others. Of course, it isn't bad to have such devotion to causes that concern all of us. But on the other hand, dear dear Capricorn, you and you alone are not responsible for all the unhappiness in the world. Take care of your own interests first to balance out your usual behavior...

So today my horoscope is the story of my life. Problem is, i don't really know how to take care of my own interests. I think that I have spent so much time tending to others that I forgot about me and who I am. I don't assert myself NEARLY enough. I think that I have come to realize, that a lot of people quite frankly don't like me. Or rather, they wouldn't like me if they knew me. Sometimes I look at who I am and who I pretend to be and I become very angry with myself. People have decided to place me in a neat little package and I've stayed there. Well that sucks. But these are the people that I have become close to, the ones I care about. How can I let go of this imagethey have of me and keep them around.

Of course there's the question of why you'd want to keep them around. Truth is a lot of them I could care less about... the leeches... the ones that are all "me me me"..."love me"... "pay attention to me" I don't need any of that in my life because those are the same ones that only ask about my life out of nosiness or politeness or only bother to communicate when its convenient. Those people can kiss my ass up and down (you know who you are). But those people that I do care about... I like having them around. I like what they bring into my life and what they help me to realize about myself. Its just that everytime "me" comes out, it gets ugly. So what do I do? Sit around and take crap? Let people lie to my face. Believe the false world that is placed before me? Or do I show my true colors and end up alone?

Happy B-day Leena and Kevin!

I apologize for not posting earlier today. I know how some of you get. At any rate. I think that today has been one of the most amazing days of my life... but i'm not sure yet so I won't go into details. At any rate even if things aren't quite what they appear, I love the way it felt today and the idea that these things are possible makes me an even stronger believer in the strength of the mind.

A wise friend that I discovered is truly my younger (and wiser) spiritual sister. She's the one that helped me to see that I am the one that is in control of this life of mine. Hell she even sent me a Christmas/B-day present of an amazing book. Even though I think she gave me the book to show me she wasn't a quack it has made a huge difference (even though I took too long to read it). Thank you, Olga.

When I decided to quit my job, I had a ton of anxiety about how things would get done. I was scared to death, but ever since I made the decision, things have just been "right". I'm not suggesting that anyone run out and quit their job. I will say this though...

Sometimes the "right" way to do things isn't what's best for you. Sometimes you have to do things a little bit differently to make yourself happy. I love my parents to death, but I don't want to be them. I know they worked very hard to get everything they have and to give me all that they could and I love and respect them for it. But I can't follow that path, working myself to death, still just barely making ends meet, I want to be able to enjoy everyday... look at the flowers, the stars, the fish EVERYTHING! And I can't do that sitting on the other side of this computer all day. So I am taking a different path.

Please, find your inner strength and use it to find your path!!!

AND BE FREE!!!!

Getting the Milk for Free

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about, among other things, living together before marriage. I'm not naive by any stretch of the imagination. I know that females are practically bred to seek out marriage and family and boys are taught to avoid it like the plague. He made an interesting point that he heard "Don't get married" far more often than he heard "Don't do drugs". That comment stung. I mean what are we being taught is important and what isn't? Why do guys tend to look at marriage as giving up stuff while females view it as gaining? Why do guys look at it as "why the rush?" and females see it as "why the wait?"

I understand that this is not characteristic of all males but i would say that this is true of the VAST majority of the population... But WHY? He made a comment that if things are going good, why change something and risk ruining it. I guess I feel that once you have chosen to give a high level of commitment to someone and determined that this is the person you plan to be with, there's really no need to wait. I think that a lot of guys don't realize that women tend to take a lot of slack for shacking up. I mean look at the saying "why would he buy the cow if he gets the milk for free?" Trust me I have MANY issues with that one (esp the cow part) but that right there says a lot about the value that society has placed on the woman. I mean we too are sexual beings... are we not getting a little free milk too? Has anyone EVER said that to a guy? Why should she buy the hen when she's getting the eggs for free?" I'm willing to bet that the answer is no. And then that brings up another issue... Let's say we stop giving away the milk... is there not another heifer out there that's more than willing to have her udder fiddled with?

I think that people (yes men and women) need to stop and look around at the people they know and the people they've come across and then look at the person you're with. If you look at that person and think, you know maybe there's someone else out there, then by all means WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. But if you look at that person and realize that this is who you have travelled a lifetime to find... then make it official.

(Disclaimer: These are only my thoughts, it is in no way an attempt to call any individual into action. This is just my little old opinion!)

National Credit Education Week
Nat'l Minority Cancer Awareness Week
Astronomy Week
Young People's Poetry Week
Consumer Awareness Week

This is a pretty busy week... You might ask why in the heck I bothered to give that info... Well I've been feeling like I'm not giving enough back.. I mean I give back to my friends but that tends to lead to a lot of slaps in the face and feelings of unappreciatedness. So, I've decided to try to find a cause that actually appreciates what I have to offer. I figured I'd pass the information along so that I can hopefully inspire others to service...

The job hunt proceeds. Nothing really happening but I'm not worried because I honestly know that I will be ok.

This morning the sun shined on me in the most amazing way... I'm not sure how I can explain it but it was almost as if I could feel all the strength inside of me and all the creativity waiting to come to the forefront. I hope... no I KNOW that I am headed in the right direction and it's just a matter of time before i realize my purpose. The anticipation makes me giddy... I feel like my birthday and christmas are both tomorrow... I feel like I'm planning a surprise party... All rolled up into one. Its simply amazing and i love everyone who has brought me here.

Thank you all!

So you guys can post what you hate but not what you love? You suck
Anyway lookie here people, I need a job Ok? Plain and simple I need a job. I need this job asap because i am going to resign from my job in two weeks. I have decided that. I am handing in my letter of resignation on the 29th of April and that's gonna be that. I think that my "security blanket" of a job is preventing me from doing whatever it is I need to be doing... Hopefully I won't be sitting around like an asshole in a month, but someone once said that sometimes you have to just let go and trust that things will be ok.

Mondays!

Ok since we bitched and moaned thru Fridays, let's use Monday to talk about things that we like so that we can make it thru the week Shall we?

At any rate i had a WONDERFUL weekend. Lots of special stuff ; )

So lets start with the things we like!