Progression


So where am I these days. Let's see, i am an aspiring photographer, painter, writer, genius in progress. In other words the usual. i have decided that roadblocks or not, I'm gonna follow my dream and if it is meant to be it will. i figure that if i put 110% into it, that's what i'll get back and whether it turns out to be the right path, it'll all work out the way it is supposed to.


Work is cool for the most part, nothing too strenuous, stressful or even thought provoking goes on there. But the stock is up (hooray for options!), the people are cool, and there's no dress code. Can a girl ask for anything more?


I've also decided that i desparately need new friends. After spending the 4th, alone, at home, alone, watching tv, alone, I realize that there has to be more to life than this! I'm too young to be such a home body. The main problem is that the stuff i want to do, no one else wants to do. I'd love to find a hip-hop club and dance my friday nights away in a drunken stupor, but well there are tons of problems with that. First and foremost, i don't know anyone into hip-hop enough or as eager as i am to dance, or who can be a designated driver for me when i pass out. Not to mention the whole part about me trying to stop drinking...


The thing is, i don't know if i am really ready to stop drinking. i guess the fact that i don't know means i'm not, but whatever. i enjoy it, but i know it's not healthy, especially when you get to the point when you're legitimately using it to escape... which i am. The truth of the matter is i'm not unhappy, just confused and rather than deal, it's much easier to have a few drinks and not think about it. i'm to the point where i feel like I need a drink to study, to relax, to get energized, to concentrate, to forget... what's next? To wake up, i just need a bloody mary, to get through the rest of the day, i just need a shot of this? I don't want to go that route, knowing the problems my family has had with drinking, i need to stay away from it.

But not right now...