Saturday, January 05, 2008
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
blah
my cat is dead. i wanted to find some poetic way to say that... but right now i'm sad and angry and i don't give a shit about being profound.
I spend an hour a week in therapy, talking about my fear of death, my fear of being too attached and not being able to let go, my fear that i am going to have to watch everyone i care about die and then at 7:12 am my cat lays down at my feet and dies... and there's not a damn thing i can do.
helpless... completely and utterly helpless... no soothing words came to mind. my body froze so i couldn't even reach down to pet or comfort him... nothing...
i'm sorry, scrams. i didn't know what to do... i didn't know how to help. but i love you even if i couldn't express it then.
RIP Scramtana. I'll stick my entire head in Brooks' cup for you tonight... I miss you, kitty most gritty
I spend an hour a week in therapy, talking about my fear of death, my fear of being too attached and not being able to let go, my fear that i am going to have to watch everyone i care about die and then at 7:12 am my cat lays down at my feet and dies... and there's not a damn thing i can do.
helpless... completely and utterly helpless... no soothing words came to mind. my body froze so i couldn't even reach down to pet or comfort him... nothing...
i'm sorry, scrams. i didn't know what to do... i didn't know how to help. but i love you even if i couldn't express it then.
RIP Scramtana. I'll stick my entire head in Brooks' cup for you tonight... I miss you, kitty most gritty
Thursday, January 20, 2005
First Snow
Today was the first "real" snow of the winter and it was beautiful. Being in school has its benefits because me and my friends ran around and threw snow at each other like we had lost our damn minds. It was cool because most of them had never seen snow before. Of course i had to field the usual "DC sux when it comes to snow" comments, but i explained as best i could and kept it moving. People from up north will always have something to say about how DC sux so i'm not concerned.
In other news the reception is a little over a week away. I think i invited everyone i know and most of them have said they will be there. I just want everyone to have fun and relax and enjoy themselves. It's not supposed to snow next week so i'm hoping travel won't be an issue for folks.
Tomorrow I become the owner (kinda) of a new car. My old car is basically dead. It still runs but it has some stuff wrong with it that would be foolish to fix. So me, the parents, and the husband will trudge out in the slush to pick out my new baby. I can't lie, i'm very excited. Out of all the cars I've had (this'll be the 6th), this is the first one that i'm actually choosing. Hopefully everything will run smoothly and i won't have to go thru the song and dance at the dealer where he tells me one price, brings out the finance manager, they play good cop/bad cop, we threaten to walk out, they stop us, repeat ad nauseum... have too much other stuff to worry about. They have one time to talk stupid and off we go to the next dealer.
I sent out approximately 100 resumes to "potential employers". Everyone that i talk to tells me how thousands of people are applying to law firms and how it really isn't expected that you get a gig your first summer, but the idea of making $2500 a week has me tryin hard as hell to get one. Thus far i've gotten a bunch of "thanks but we can't consider you"s, 1 "you're not what we're looking for", 1 "send us your transcript," and 1 "we'll contact you when we begin interviewing". Hopefully SOMETHING will pan out. I want to at least make it to an interview, that way even if i don't get the gig, I'll know what to expect next year when employers will be more open to a second year student.
In other news the reception is a little over a week away. I think i invited everyone i know and most of them have said they will be there. I just want everyone to have fun and relax and enjoy themselves. It's not supposed to snow next week so i'm hoping travel won't be an issue for folks.
Tomorrow I become the owner (kinda) of a new car. My old car is basically dead. It still runs but it has some stuff wrong with it that would be foolish to fix. So me, the parents, and the husband will trudge out in the slush to pick out my new baby. I can't lie, i'm very excited. Out of all the cars I've had (this'll be the 6th), this is the first one that i'm actually choosing. Hopefully everything will run smoothly and i won't have to go thru the song and dance at the dealer where he tells me one price, brings out the finance manager, they play good cop/bad cop, we threaten to walk out, they stop us, repeat ad nauseum... have too much other stuff to worry about. They have one time to talk stupid and off we go to the next dealer.
I sent out approximately 100 resumes to "potential employers". Everyone that i talk to tells me how thousands of people are applying to law firms and how it really isn't expected that you get a gig your first summer, but the idea of making $2500 a week has me tryin hard as hell to get one. Thus far i've gotten a bunch of "thanks but we can't consider you"s, 1 "you're not what we're looking for", 1 "send us your transcript," and 1 "we'll contact you when we begin interviewing". Hopefully SOMETHING will pan out. I want to at least make it to an interview, that way even if i don't get the gig, I'll know what to expect next year when employers will be more open to a second year student.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
How did I get here?
I never wanted to be *this* person... bickering with a teacher over an A instead of an A-. I guess to a certain degree its a good thing. I mean it shows (1) that i'm capable of making an A- and (2) that i'm not settling for the A- and I'm trying to get what i'm entitled to get.
My other grades are decent. Actually my other grades are good. I think that they adequately reflect the time and effort I exerted. Could they be better? Well of course. I mean, until i have a 4.0 I can always improve. But this is a bit bigger than that for me. I had a lot riding on the whole law school thing. Finishing first semester is a sense of accomplishment and I'm not going to lose sight of that over the difference between an A and an A-. Either way I've made a huge stride... this semester, I'm just gonna do that much more.
My other grades are decent. Actually my other grades are good. I think that they adequately reflect the time and effort I exerted. Could they be better? Well of course. I mean, until i have a 4.0 I can always improve. But this is a bit bigger than that for me. I had a lot riding on the whole law school thing. Finishing first semester is a sense of accomplishment and I'm not going to lose sight of that over the difference between an A and an A-. Either way I've made a huge stride... this semester, I'm just gonna do that much more.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Black People
**disclaimer**
this is probably going to end up being a "woe is me post" and i apologize in advance but i got some shit on my mind...
So i'm planning this reception thingy... and I mailed approx 80 invitations. Some i didn't expect to get back. Some were sent to my mom's friends who i don't know. But most were sent to ppl that i figured would want to come or would at least be happy to hear i was married. To date i have gotten about 20 rsvps. Now, i know that i asked people to rsvp by Jan 8th and it isn't the 8th yet, but i mean, if you know you're coming.. what's the hold up. I guess i am afraid that no one will come. Takes me back to my 16th bday party. My mother INSISTED that i have a sort of sweet sixteen everybody dress up and excercise exception ettiquette party. If you know me then you know that i dont dress up so the idea that i had friends that do was farfetched, but she insisted... the result? lackluster turnout...
Since then i've gotten more popular (*pats self on back*) but i am still always afraid that the unpopular girl will rear her little head and wind up embarrassed. I think that's why i shield myself from people and exhibit antisocial behavior... it's easier for me to hide. The truth is I'm not happy with myself... damn typing that brought a tear to my eye. I'm not happy with my weight, i'm not happy with my hair (although it looks damned good today), i'm not happy with my wardrobe, etc.
I don't mean any of this in a whiny way. I'm blessed because i have people that are supportive and genuinely love me for who i am, but i can't help but think that i am selling myself short. Sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i had more female friends... There are quite a few females in my life that i wish i could be closer with but making friends with chicks has never been my strong suit. It's always been awkward for me. Either i develop crushes on them (no homo?) or i constantly compare myself to them and feel inadequate.. either way i tend to end up separating myself from them and never really put the effort into the frinedship. I guess this would be a good transition into my plans for the new year.
I don't really do "resolutions" cuz i can't stick to them, but there are things i want and need to work on and no time like the present to start working on that.
The first is my overall health... mental and physical. I'm poised to do so much and accomplish so many things that I need to get my mind and body straight. I was tryna decide which was more important (mind or body) but to be honest, it's equal. One means nothing without the other so i'm tryna eat healthy and be mentally healthy. Hopefully I'll meet some ugly chicks i can hang out with so I don't get all weird around them. I need to explore that further cuz as a married woman i probably shouldn't be having crushes on chicks although i'm sure *he* wouldn't mind....
and that brings me to something else.... lesbians and dudes.
i'll admit i thought about being gay for a minute and would probably qualify as bisexual in some people's eyes but i don't understand why guys think that if a chick likes chicks, he's gonna get some 3some action? And why in the hell do rappers make references to the lesbians they like and wanna get with? if she's a lesbian she isn't checkin for you doggie... sorry
But anyway... this is my time to be truthful so hopefully i won't get too many strange looks from people that i know that read this.
peace and RSVP, bitches!
Funniest New Year text message i got: Happy Easter, bitches.
that shit had me rollin.
this is probably going to end up being a "woe is me post" and i apologize in advance but i got some shit on my mind...
So i'm planning this reception thingy... and I mailed approx 80 invitations. Some i didn't expect to get back. Some were sent to my mom's friends who i don't know. But most were sent to ppl that i figured would want to come or would at least be happy to hear i was married. To date i have gotten about 20 rsvps. Now, i know that i asked people to rsvp by Jan 8th and it isn't the 8th yet, but i mean, if you know you're coming.. what's the hold up. I guess i am afraid that no one will come. Takes me back to my 16th bday party. My mother INSISTED that i have a sort of sweet sixteen everybody dress up and excercise exception ettiquette party. If you know me then you know that i dont dress up so the idea that i had friends that do was farfetched, but she insisted... the result? lackluster turnout...
Since then i've gotten more popular (*pats self on back*) but i am still always afraid that the unpopular girl will rear her little head and wind up embarrassed. I think that's why i shield myself from people and exhibit antisocial behavior... it's easier for me to hide. The truth is I'm not happy with myself... damn typing that brought a tear to my eye. I'm not happy with my weight, i'm not happy with my hair (although it looks damned good today), i'm not happy with my wardrobe, etc.
I don't mean any of this in a whiny way. I'm blessed because i have people that are supportive and genuinely love me for who i am, but i can't help but think that i am selling myself short. Sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i had more female friends... There are quite a few females in my life that i wish i could be closer with but making friends with chicks has never been my strong suit. It's always been awkward for me. Either i develop crushes on them (no homo?) or i constantly compare myself to them and feel inadequate.. either way i tend to end up separating myself from them and never really put the effort into the frinedship. I guess this would be a good transition into my plans for the new year.
I don't really do "resolutions" cuz i can't stick to them, but there are things i want and need to work on and no time like the present to start working on that.
The first is my overall health... mental and physical. I'm poised to do so much and accomplish so many things that I need to get my mind and body straight. I was tryna decide which was more important (mind or body) but to be honest, it's equal. One means nothing without the other so i'm tryna eat healthy and be mentally healthy. Hopefully I'll meet some ugly chicks i can hang out with so I don't get all weird around them. I need to explore that further cuz as a married woman i probably shouldn't be having crushes on chicks although i'm sure *he* wouldn't mind....
and that brings me to something else.... lesbians and dudes.
i'll admit i thought about being gay for a minute and would probably qualify as bisexual in some people's eyes but i don't understand why guys think that if a chick likes chicks, he's gonna get some 3some action? And why in the hell do rappers make references to the lesbians they like and wanna get with? if she's a lesbian she isn't checkin for you doggie... sorry
But anyway... this is my time to be truthful so hopefully i won't get too many strange looks from people that i know that read this.
peace and RSVP, bitches!
Funniest New Year text message i got: Happy Easter, bitches.
that shit had me rollin.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Catch-Up Time
sooo let's see... oh yeah
I'm married :)
The ceremony was really nice, even though i punked out and cried... I had talked a lot of shit too about how i wasn't gonna cry... but i mean i cry at anything so this wasn't a real surprise. There's a lot i could say about the ceremony, but i think i wanna leave that between me and him. It was lots of fun though.
We also did pretty well in Vegas... Casino War is my SHIT! That and BlackJack... I need to go to Vegas with some real money and see how good i really am. Either way a $500 profit is nothing to be mad about.
I'm a little pissed because i *should* be working right now, lawd knows i need the money. But I'm sitting here waiting for them to call me... BASTARDS.
That's about it for now... I'll try to update more over the course of the week
I'm married :)
The ceremony was really nice, even though i punked out and cried... I had talked a lot of shit too about how i wasn't gonna cry... but i mean i cry at anything so this wasn't a real surprise. There's a lot i could say about the ceremony, but i think i wanna leave that between me and him. It was lots of fun though.
We also did pretty well in Vegas... Casino War is my SHIT! That and BlackJack... I need to go to Vegas with some real money and see how good i really am. Either way a $500 profit is nothing to be mad about.
I'm a little pissed because i *should* be working right now, lawd knows i need the money. But I'm sitting here waiting for them to call me... BASTARDS.
That's about it for now... I'll try to update more over the course of the week
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
So Much to Say...
I don't even know where to begin but this entry will be filled with random rantings in no particular order... you have been warned
1. My nephew arrived in DC on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Now *that* is something to be thankful for
2. FINALSFINALSFINALSFINALSFINALS... finals are upon me and i am officially caught up in the madness... but in a good way. I realize that i will need to do things VERY differently next semester, but for now i'm just pushing thru the end of this one
3. I get married in 2.5 weeks. I can't even put into words how happy that makes me
4. I recently had an hour long convo with a really good friend and it truly made me smile. She's happy and i'm happy for her.
5. I really need to contact this certain female about some candles before she murders me... wine and white, rose scented... call me or i'll call you :)
Ok that's it for now.
1. My nephew arrived in DC on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Now *that* is something to be thankful for
2. FINALSFINALSFINALSFINALSFINALS... finals are upon me and i am officially caught up in the madness... but in a good way. I realize that i will need to do things VERY differently next semester, but for now i'm just pushing thru the end of this one
3. I get married in 2.5 weeks. I can't even put into words how happy that makes me
4. I recently had an hour long convo with a really good friend and it truly made me smile. She's happy and i'm happy for her.
5. I really need to contact this certain female about some candles before she murders me... wine and white, rose scented... call me or i'll call you :)
Ok that's it for now.