SO....
Today is my day.
Looks the same, feels the same. Not really sure what the ripe old age of 27 has in store for me, but I'm sure it'll be interesting. I came to the realization yesterday that I am a truly blessed individual. I have a ton to be thankful for, from good friends, to good family to good health... I just hope that I can make something out of my life.
Failure scares me as much as success does but the truth of the matter is that I am sick and tired of running in these endless circles.
Brooks bought me a Keyboard for my birthday! It's a Yamaha P120S. It felt so good to sit down in front of that keyboard and make music... even if it was just "Chopsticks"... It was still nice to be creative. I love what he brings out in me... it is absolutely amazing.
I guess i need to get my New Years Resolutions in order soon so that I can go ahead and break them!
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 27, 2002
Today's adventure was keeping myself entertained for 8.5 hours with absolutely nothing to do. Actually i had plenty to do today, just no desire or motivation to do it. So, I played scrabble... tons and tons of scrabble. I finally have to face the cold hard truth that my vocabulary sucks!
Sometimes i wonder how many people just sort of humor me... you know the people that really don't care about what you have to say or what you think, but they nod politely and smile in that "special" way that lets you know that their mind is a million miles away. I think i'd rather have someone just say, "look, i'm really not interested in you or what you have to say." Then i could come up with some slick comeback and it would be cool because I had gotten the last laugh.
Sometimes i wonder how many people just sort of humor me... you know the people that really don't care about what you have to say or what you think, but they nod politely and smile in that "special" way that lets you know that their mind is a million miles away. I think i'd rather have someone just say, "look, i'm really not interested in you or what you have to say." Then i could come up with some slick comeback and it would be cool because I had gotten the last laugh.
Thursday, December 26, 2002
Sometimes, when you least expect it somthing will happen and send your life in a completely different direction...
That seems to happen to me at least once a day. I spent yesterday at my parents' house with my brother, sisters, neices, nephew, mom, dad and my boyfriend. Most times this would be an unpleasant experience but such was not the case yesterday. Maybe it was the holiday or the fact that we stayed out of each other's way but my dad and i got along and everyone seemed happy to be in each other's presence.
Of course that didn't stop them from teasing me! I became the butt of the joke on many occasions because i basically lack any sort of direction in my life. I am indecisive, i don't finish what i start, i am a scatterbrain. I leave a pile of stuff in one place to go start another elsewhere. It used to be fun to be like that "impulsive, whimsical"... that's how i used to describe myself. Now, i pretty much think that i'm just lost. I don't like being lost. I need direction. i need a goal to acheive something to strive for and that doesn't seem to be happening. The logical thing would be to set a goal for myself and then acheive it, problem is i have absolutely no idea what I want to do.
The result is that I have decided to seek professional help. It's not really a "me" thing to do, but at this point i'm willing to try just about anything.
That seems to happen to me at least once a day. I spent yesterday at my parents' house with my brother, sisters, neices, nephew, mom, dad and my boyfriend. Most times this would be an unpleasant experience but such was not the case yesterday. Maybe it was the holiday or the fact that we stayed out of each other's way but my dad and i got along and everyone seemed happy to be in each other's presence.
Of course that didn't stop them from teasing me! I became the butt of the joke on many occasions because i basically lack any sort of direction in my life. I am indecisive, i don't finish what i start, i am a scatterbrain. I leave a pile of stuff in one place to go start another elsewhere. It used to be fun to be like that "impulsive, whimsical"... that's how i used to describe myself. Now, i pretty much think that i'm just lost. I don't like being lost. I need direction. i need a goal to acheive something to strive for and that doesn't seem to be happening. The logical thing would be to set a goal for myself and then acheive it, problem is i have absolutely no idea what I want to do.
The result is that I have decided to seek professional help. It's not really a "me" thing to do, but at this point i'm willing to try just about anything.